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When I was a senior in high school, my plan was to graduate & move away for college. I wanted to move away & party with friends. Have a full "college experience". I wanted my independence. I wanted to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Go to classes on campus. Go to parties and make new friends. Have an apartment that I could decorate any way I wanted to. Just be my own person.
Then I got pregnant.
I thought the chance for me to go to college was gone.
I remember talking to my mom and grandpa about the possibility of me starting college shortly after I told them I was pregnant. My grandpa didn't think I could do it, and he wasn't rude about it in any way. He was very worried that the stress would be too much, and that maybe my focus should just be on working & learning how to be a mom. My mom, however, believed that even though it would be extremely hard, I would be able to do it and I NEEDED to do it. Both of them were right. I definitely needed to take time to learn how to be a mom and start to earn money, but going to school would benefit myself & Liam so much.
So, I did all 3. I worked, went to school, and learned how to be a mom.
Entertaining a baby when you have homework is really challenging, but I got SUPER lucky with Liam. "Mommy's doing homework" was a common phrase that I had to use with him. Liam had a lot of rattles and toys that sing every lullaby ever to keep him entertained, but sometimes that just isn't enough with kids. Sometimes they just need YOU. Before taking the picture above, I was trying to get Liam to play with toys on his blanket below me while I tried to study for a test. This, of coarse, was NOT good enough for him. I decided to try something a little different. I put on a Thomas the Train DVD on my computer, strapped Liam in his high chair, and sat him right next to me. THIS WORKED PERFECT! I got a full 45 minutes of studying in that moment! I learned that day, that as long as he was right next to me, he was happy to just hang out.
The older Liam got, the more used to me having homework & going to class he was. It was an everyday thing for us. Liam became really great at entertaining himself, but he still always let me know when it was time to take a break & play.
During that point in my life, and even sometimes now, I get asked, "How do you do it?!". My answer was usually a very tired response of, "I have no idea.", or "I just go online", or "I just pray a lot!".
All of these answers are true. A lot of my schooling had to be done online, which was so incredibly nice might I add. I didn't have any idea what I was doing about 95% of the time, and I prayed about 95% of my day.
Each semester had it's own set of stresses. The older Liam got, the harder it got. There were a lot of moments where I felt like I was missing out on Liam's childhood. I made sure to play with him each day, and read stories, and just be his mom, but working & going to school takes a lot of your day away. It was hard not to feel like a failure sometimes. But one day, while I was doing homework, Liam was playing with toys & randomly said, "Mom, I am proud of you."
I bawled for 30 minutes.
That was when I knew for certain, that all of this endless homework, tests, quizzes, finals, reading, everything was worth it. I would be able to provide a better life for my son and myself.
Now here I am, in nursing school, with one more year left. (AAHHHHHHGAGHAGHIAPGA)!!!
(Nursing school is fun because there's like 30 of you & you can all dress up as sperm for Halloween!)
Nursing school alone consumes the majority of my time, and it gets very stressful. (Just ask my husband, I have about 2-3 emotional breakdowns per week), but I have such an incredible support system. My family and friends have helped me more than they will ever know.
If any of you who are reading this are considering going back to school, or maybe you just have a desire to change something in your life for the better, I strongly encourage you to do it. There are tons of resources out there to help parents who want to go back to school, so please don't be afraid to use them. This is going to sound incredibly cliché, but I am a firm believer that you can do anything you put your mind to.
"Believe in yourself, and you are halfway there." - Theodore Roosevelt
Until next time,
Haley
